I had serious work to do, so I took a nap. After dragging it out for as long as possible, I rolled off the sofa and quickly went out, greatly in need of some revivifying fresh air, or air as fresh as it gets around here. Ten minutes later I walked into what passes for a neighborhood beer parlor in this day and age: a cross between a wine bar and a rec room, where hundreds of obscure craft ales are available.
Happy Hour was in session. Beady-eyed beer lovers fondled their precious microbrews. I selected a can of Old Speckled Hen and sunk into a comfortable leather armchair. Patrons walked in with their dogs and bicycles. To my right, two businessmen disguised as “hipsters” blatted about “marketing.” “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” one of them said. Evidently, they were discussing the takeover of a local business. To my left, a cyclist in shorts stroked his muscular tattooed leg and leaned over to converse with a muscular, heavily tattooed woman in shorts. Her every “like”-linked statement was met with a “cool” or “awesome” by her ardent interlocutor. Hey “guys,” if we just keep saying “cool” and “awesome” and address each other—even women—as “guys” (so cloying and pandering this nauseatingly ubiquitous form of address with its insidiously reassuring ring of homogenizing inclusivity), we can maintain the illusion that everything is cool and awesome and not really care about anything. And while we’re at it, dumb up the volume, because if you turn it down the quality of conversation will have to rise.
Also, take note that if one is alone in a public place it is compulsory to fiddle with a gadget of some sort, to shrink the world into a tiny all-purpose hand-held device that promotes the illusion that one isn’t really alone—that one has stuff going on. It is no longer possible to just sit there. Abstraction has been outlawed by technology.
The “old-school punk” on the sound system—The Buzzcocks’ “I Don’t Know What To Do With My Life”—seemed at odds with the atmosphere of loud but mellow complacency. Less time went by between the end of World War II and the first punk campaign than has now passed between that era of stripped-down urgency and this dried up age of abundance, yet the music of 35 years ago—and earlier—lives on as a gold standard to young people (hell, it’s not as if kids in the ’70s were grooving to Glenn Miller) and seems to mean more to them than the music of their own time. Authenticity is a thing of the past. Vicarious nostalgia is a symptom of it. And the past is paste, holding a splintered world together. As has been persuasively argued by Camille de Toledo in “Coming of Age at the End of History,” the only way to be radical in this day and age is to be invisible. Not that anybody’s interested in being radical… or invisible.
And in the palpable absence of radical invisibility, this is a perfectly pleasant watering hole with a tantalizing selection of brews. One would have to be a very unpleasant person to find fault with it. But I am, and I do. Maybe because it’s too nice: all flannel shirts, facial hair and weak-voiced mangling of the English language. It is symptomatic of the Portlandization of Los Angeles.
When I had the misfortune of living in Portland for a brief spell in the ’90s it seemed a unique place, a tight white pocket of bohemian conformity where the “alternative” was the norm and genuine eccentricity wasn’t tolerated; “Embrace Diversity” bumper stickers abounded but blacks were outnumbered by dreadlocked whites. From what I understand, it is worse now, but the disease of alternative normality has spread, even as far as LA—a place of disaffection, dislocation and reinvention that was once despised by Northwesterners and, indeed, everyone else.
I attended a show in Portland some years ago and when the performer announced that he was headed for Los Angeles the next day the entire crowd erupted in booing. It filled me with pride. One of the nicest things about being an Angeleno has always been that once you get beyond the city limits nothing but disdain is directed this way. It’s fun to live in a city that people from other cities regard as the enemy and even expect you to apologize for living in. San Franciscans and Portlanders, in particular, seem to regard it as their civic duty to hate LA and everything it apparently stands for, although, curiously, the feeling is not reciprocated. Which is why it’s so unsettling to find that nowadays there’s not much difference between certain neighborhoods of this city and Portland.
It happened slowly. Fifteen years ago it was uncommon to see a fresh-faced white guy on the Echo Park stretch of Sunset or on York Blvd in Highland Park, especially after dark. Now every block is swarming with them, with all the essential accessories perfectly aligned: facial hair, tattoos, girlfriend, smartphone, dog—babies are optional, meanwhile the dog serves to signify an aspiring breeder. What was once the mark of the renegade is now a badge of conformity, a declaration of redundancy. That’s the way it has always gone. Things change. So what? Because sometimes, for various petty and perverse reasons, it can be disconcerting to observe things gradually changing. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with it at all, it’s not a problem, not in the least; nothing remotely bad about it. Maybe that’s the problem.
Boo-fucking-hoo, jesus. If you want to complain about drab conformity and gentrification, at least have the good sense to whine about something that actually matters, not just that people have dogs and cell phones and like to say “cool.”
No, it is in fact, a problem, and it’s the same problem in East Hollywood, Downtown – and forget Culver City. It’s time to move on – to Vernon, or Maywood, or maybe Irwindale. Time to re-set ground zero.
Xlnt point, Lane Barden; you called it. But wherever it may be, it will have to be started organically, by those who may start something without ever actually trying to start it.
You want to see something really depressing try catching a show in Pennsylvania. Portland will seem like heaven (or in your case hell since you’re more into that sorta over done self loathing thing).
Take Umbrage!
if filling up space with a bunch of words was the express purpose of this piece, then you have succeeded. otherwise, i’m just hearing a lot of whining.
In between any perceived “whining,” numerous valid points were publicly stated, to which I concur – such as the continued recycle and rehash of ORIGINAL punk rock (i.e. Buzzcocks), by each subsequent boho youth mini-generation who can’t, don’t, or won’t create their own movement. Did the ORIGINAL punkers recycle and rehash the previous generation’s movement, i.e. hippiedom? HELL no!!! They promptly gave it the finger – big time.
And whatever it is some comment-ers have labeled “whining,” has so much POWER OVER THEM that it got them to stop in their tracks and apply time and energy into reactive spew. To this, so patently manifested, I laugh heartily and hilariously. There is the option to simply ignore; but Tottenham’s erudite words and his flow bang such a gong that they cannot be ignored. Carry on, JT.
I’ve got you now, you belligerent wag! At first it seemed a pity that you unknowingly did all the work for me… but in hindsight, your nescience, I must admit, only makes this particular kerfuffle sweeter! Let’s see… a daub of Fireman’s Red, some Sepulchre for shade and a quick slash of Old Lace for shine… There! Do you see it? Why the cherry on top of course! Or is that your nose? Perhaps your heart? Bah! The obsidian may obfuscate but the mind must mine and deeper yet! Shall the vertiginous typhlosis of your own imbroglio’s omphalos go unnoticed? Haha! Oh no, no, no that most certainly will not do. Yes, yes… perhaps you now see it rounding into form… reflecting back oblong and agape; glittering in your grimy web of self-deceit… bound in your bait-and-switch parlor tricks… accidentally revealed in your, (oh joy! here it comes…) UNINTENTIONAL CAMP!!! Haha! Rejoice fiends! Oh yes my friend! It really is quite thee spectacle! Come, come… by now you must see it, that sweet blind irony to which you’ve fallen prey by your own hand… Well? Do tell… how did you miss it? How did you not see it? For if you saw it you surely would have made mention of it, if for no other reason then to avoid just this type of exquisite mockery… Still turning a blind eye eh? Curious, but not all too surprising. Look again and closer still… into the heart of your latest tart… I ask again, what is it that you see underneath the nimble naifs you so continuously and unceremoniously rail against in desperately trite and aging tantrum? Beyond the the fictitious community you champion with facetious & foppish fist… Through the sarcastically surfeited in sanguine self-deprecation… It’s you my friend. This piece. It’s the proof in the puddin, the cherry on top, the clown’s nose… Your puffed up piece is unwittingly exhibit A in your own miserable manifest destiny… you’ve unknowingly, what you might sadly call, “Portland-ized” yourself… Quite fitting, don’t ya think? For how else should an educated reader imbibe your saturnine silence, as author, on the seemingly obvious matter of the unquenched dripping irony at hand? May I suggest that one’s only recourse is to surmise you’ve either outwitted yourself (yet again) or tragically been blinded by your own arrogance, erudition and hate. For how else can you explain how you could not see that by conjuring up cliched characterizations of P_______ and then taking those cliches to task, you’ve not only mirrored in exacting detail those whom you once scoffed at and took pride in their derision from but more tellingly have also sacrificed your beloved L_________ by inverting it’s role with P______ within this pathetic farce… for now you play the def-jammed, dreadlocked, coffee-drenched cliche who’s high-piercing, finger-snapping, superfluous rants at the alter of alternative conformity go unheard and faze not the truly thoughtful… For we, who can only smile and take pride in our freedom from such incandescent turdburglary, gracefully fade out into the radical. invisible. invariably… “This is not the voice you seek.”
Tottenham’s piece continues to flex its power. Another great point he makes is the unrequited despising of Los Angeles by its fellow Americans. To the extent that I have traveled, read and exchanged, I can vouch that this is quite true; and observe it engaged by cities, states, individuals, families, and companies. Yet there is no such reciprocal hatred engaged by collective L.A. toward any particular city, state, etc. So much of what is birthed, created, lived or experienced in L.A., is attempted, adapted, and/or emulated by the outsiders. It doesn’t take much to see that what inflames the outsiders is envy, and (especially in the case of San Francisco), an unrelenting inferiority complex.
Carry on, JT.
Portlandia, the nauseatingly correct place where no one dares to be very bad or very good.
I sold and moved to Burbank. You would like it here John. Little hotter in the summer
Thanks John. I value anyone’s ability to focus in on what it is that feels so incredibly annoying about the batch of white children who have taken over our neighborhoods. My largely inchoate rantings never make it beyond those unfortunate friends in earshot when I’m in a mood, and I often am, around here. Unenlightened, smug, brainwashed, entitled, dog-fucking consumerist tools and so on. Couldn’t ever get it into a sentence, and I probably shouldn’t. I have to live here, amongst them and their curious ways.