It’s that time of year again, when the mistletoe has wilted and bedraggled Christmas trees line the city streets, slumped against dumpsters like drunken sailors. It’s that time of year when Resolute Red makes BIG plans, none of which will ever be realized, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

The year before there were several failed philanthropic ventures including an ostrich egg hunt in New Guinea where underprivileged children could experience the joys of Easter. The only problem was the fiercely territorial ostriches were having none of it and chased the terrified screaming children into the neighboring village. Then there was the edible ring company called “Sugar Thumbs” designed as an alternative for people who can’t afford opulent jewels, but covet them nonetheless. The rings were sculpted from meringue that very quickly hardened onto the wearer’s finger and had to be wrenched off with plyers. It was a bloody affair to be sure.

But Resolute Red refused to give up, instead opening a discotheque in a swamp in Mississippi, thinking it would be all the rage. Unfortunately, the day it after it opened an alligator decided to join in the revelry and ate a man’s foot.

Still, Resolute Red persisted, having hired a prestigious PR firm to help promote his new ventures, but that too met a sad end when the president of the firm was trampled by an ireful ostrich. But Resolute Red was on a mission, believing in his heart that each New Year was destined to bring good fortune, and that the coming year would be different. Of course, it never is, as our resolutions languish on the shores of our best intentions and our hair turns white and the skies shift to gray. Resolute Red finally concluded, after years of false mirth and feigning good cheer, that he really is an old Scrooge at heart, and the best one can hope for is to not ring in the New Year at all but take to one’s bed as early as possible until the whole bloody thing is over!

 

  • Pablo Picasso, Jacqueline with Flowers, 1954.

  • Mark Rothko, Untitled (Red), 1969.

  • Henri Matisse, "the Dessert: Harmony in Red," 1908.

  • Anish Kapoor, "Sectional Body Preparing for Monadic Singularity," 2015.