Recalcitrant Red has gone on strike once and for all, having shirked his usual duties which include the setting of campfires, blood drives, Naugahyde sex parties, riots and any activity where the devil is set to make an appearance. Recalcitrant Red has turned his back on the industry of violence, even going so far as to boycott action films where his presence is the most necessary ingredient in a culture hell bent on destruction.

Now when you go to see Keanu Reeves’ latest foray into head splitting, blistering revenge, the requisite river of blood does not flow. Instead, the studios have had to make due with Burnt Orange, which is more reminiscent of Thanksgiving supper than John Wick! Recalcitrant Red’s refusal to participate has not only affected the film industry, but also greeting card businesses across the greater United States where young men can no longer descend on bended knee, extending red roses, to beg their lover’s hand in marriage. Somehow Peonies just don’t cut it! The tried and true red and green Christmas sweater has also suffered, as pink, a last-minute substitute on mittens and sweaters can be seen all across America as Recalcitrant Red continues to test the limits of his absence like a libertine come home from the war

Recalcitrant Red once famously exclaimed “You can’t give the finger to the blind,” and with that comment was banned irrevocably from The National Federation of the Sightless for all eternity. Recalcitrant had to draw the line somewhere and did make the occasional appearance at several high-end fashion shows in and around Milan, where he could be seen showboating on a pair of gleaming vinyl chaps, replete with two perfectly formed half-moon butt cheeks. Of course, other colors fiercely criticized his complete lack of personal responsibility not to mention his abysmal taste, but rarely does Recalcitrant Red take stock, flanked by his constant cohort, the Devil, and opting instead for the most garish, high profile exit he can muster.