Mischievous Mustard often shows up where he’s not wanted—on T-shirts and dress slacks, in the car (like the time Joe Morrison ate a hot dog for breakfast on his way to work and dropped it on his brand new leather seats), at the corners of Virginia Ramona’s mouth moments before she was scheduled to give a deposition. Particularly fond of kid’s faces, Mischievous Mustard regularly hangs out on the tips of noses, smeared beneath a bottom lip or caked under fingernails. Wherever there’s a wayward speck of deepening yellow, you can be sure Mischievous Mustard fled the scene moments before.

As a matter of fact, the situation had become quite serious, and several law enforcement agents had begun investigating the comings and goings of Mischievous Mustard even going so far as to bug his house and set up a tracking device on his 1970 vintage Gremlin. They figured, eventually he would slip up, leaving behind a small, but notable tell tale smudge of yellow.

Reporters were dispatched to interview 38 bottles of ketchup, mustard’s most significant rival, but ketchup was not very helpful, and complained bitterly about their rivalry, stating that mustard was a cheat and a liar, having agreed to a truce wherein mustard would “stay away” from all ballparks on the east coast, allowing ketchup a newfound and much enjoyed foothold in the sport’s industry. Mischievous Mustard, being who he is, did not honor the agreement, and instead went out of his way to make public appearances at ALL ballparks and concession stands in the good old US of A. He also deliberately expanded his reach to circuses, carnivals and kids’ birthday parties. This really chapped ketchup’s hide and since then, the two have not been seen sharing the same bun!

  • Vermeer, "Girl with a Pearl Earring," c. 1665.

  • Picasso, "The Weeping Woman," 1937.

  • Martin Kippenberger, Untitled, 1988.

  • Goya, "The Dog," c. 1819.

  • Edvard Munch, "The Scream," 1893.

  • Caravaggio, "Basket of Fruit," c. 1599.