Denouement Daffodil is a real downer and the first person to leave the party, proffering reasons like “I must go home and feed my guppies,” or “I can’t concentrate because my nose hairs are making me sneeze.” Always quick to wrap things up and never one for a winded story, Denouement Daffodil refuses to stand in line for more than two minutes, which makes shopping for the latest couture quite challenging. Instead, she orders things online, but if the delivery takes more than 24 hours, she promptly sends the item back. DD is a self-proclaimed “tidy-maker,” an individual who cannot stomach the thought of procrastination. She has a particular dislike for people with endless patience like those folks who wait for 72 hours in the pouring rain on Black Friday just to get a new pair of sneakers.

DD has a weekly blog called “Down Time” where she features stories about people who waited too long on the ski lift and sadly met an untimely end, or the guy who was told his timing belt was about to snap, yet he drove across country anyway. Needless to say, his Buick wound up in a ditch. DD regularly excoriates people for overcooking their vegetables, calling into famous cooking shows and complaining that the chefs are lazy, waiting too long for the noodles to boil while the broccolini sits simmering for three extra minutes in the pan. She finds it personally offensive when she sees people lining up at In & Out for an overcooked grease fest of oil laden fries and brown meat, some even waiting as much as an hour in the hot sun to get their fat fix.

Denouement Daffodil has ceased going on the internet as it takes too long for her computer to connect, and soon she begun to lose her hair with every passing minute. Her solution was to purchase a sensory deprivation tank which she had installed in her living room. Like Jean Paul Marat, she even set up a small writing desk inside the tank to ensure a state of perfected silence, and is currently at work on a new self-help book entitled People Suck, But I Move Mountains, soon to be released to a limited readership.

  • Agnes Martin, "Harbor #1," 1957.

  • Ellsworth Kelly, "Orange and Blue Over Yellow," 1964-1965.

  • Yayoi Kusama, "A look at The Spirit of the Pumpkins Descended into the Heavens."

  • Mark Rothko, "Yellow Over Purple," 1956.